今天是

【皖枞高中学校】 英语幽默小笑话

发布时间:2015-5-24  阅读次数:749次

 Weather forecast 天气预报

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "It will rain tomorrow." The next day it rained.

一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处进行拍摄。一天,一个印度老人来到导演面前对他说:“明天会下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, "There will be a storm tomorrow." The next day there was a storm.

一周以后,印度人又来了,他告诉导演说:“明天会有暴风雨。”果然,第二天有暴风雨。

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

“这个印度人真神,”导演说。他告诉他的秘书去雇佣这个印度人来预测天气。

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

然而,几次预测天气成功之后,这个印度人连续两周没有露面。

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow," said the director. "And I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

最后,导演派人把这个印度人请来了。导演对他说:“我明天必须拍摄一个很重要的场景,全都指望你了,明天天气如何啊?”

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "My radio is broken."

这个印度人耸了耸肩说道:“我不知道,我的收音机坏了。”

 

 

 

英语幽默小故事:I am acting like a lady 我要表现得像一位女士

One day women's dresses were on sale at a department store. A dignified middle-aged man decided to pick a dress for his wife, but soon he found himself being battered by frantic women.

一天,一家百货公司的女装大减价,一位高贵的中年男士想给他的太太挑选一件女装。但是,没过多久,他就发现自己已被疯狂的女人们撞得踉踉跄跄。

He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowd.

他竭力地忍耐着。后来,他低下头,挥舞双臂,挤过人群。

"You there!" challenged a thrilling voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

“你干嘛?”有人尖声叫道,“你难道不能表现得像一位绅士吗?”

"Listen," he said. "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

“听着,”他说。“我已经像绅士一样表现了一个小时了。从现在起,我要表现得像一位女士。”

 

 

 

 

Pig or Witch  猪还是女巫

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

译文1:一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车,一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时,那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到:“猪!!”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道:“女巫!!”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时,撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。

 

 

 

 

英语幽默小故事带翻译:Chaude and Cold 热与冷(双语)

A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."

蒙特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客拧开盥洗室的龙头,结果被水烫伤了。“这太可恶了,”他抱怨道,“标着C的龙头流出的是开水。”(顾客以为是cold)

"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

“可是,先生,C代表Chaude-法语里代表‘热’。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得知道这一点。”

"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."

“等等,”那位顾客咆哮一声,“另外一个龙头同样标的是C。”

"Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."

“当然,”经理说道:“它代表冷。毕竟,蒙特利尔是个双语城市。”

 

 

趣味英语:中国空姐与老外的搞笑对话

kira86 于2012-08-09发布 l 已有3567人浏览 玩歪歪博,拯救你的脖子和颈椎 数百名外教任意选,每天陪你练口语 圣诞节英语专题 好听的英文歌曲推荐老外问: What is this?空姐答: Cake China ( 馒头 )老外问: What is this?空姐答: Pizza China ( 馅饼 )老外问: 0

老外问: What is this?

空姐答: Cake China ( 馒头 )

老外问: What is this?

空姐答: Pizza China ( 馅饼 )

老外问: What is this?

空姐答: Salad China ( 黄瓜 )

这时空姐放了一个屁

老外又问: What is this?

空姐妙答: Air China ( 中国民航 )

一个台湾人出国,海关要求打开行李检查,发现有七条内裤,奇怪问原因

台湾人回答:" Sunday、Monday、Tuesday ... Saturday "

官员明白是一天一条。

接着来了个法国人,官员要求打开行李检查发现有五条内裤,奇怪问原因

法国人回答:" Monday、Tuesday、Wednesday、Thursday、Friday "

星期六,日如何? NO WEAR.

官员明白法国人浪漫,星期六 . 日是不穿的。

接着来了个印度人,检查发现有十二条内裤,

官员大惑不解,忙问如何?

印度人慢悠悠回答:" January、February、March、April ....... "

 

 

 

盘点那些令人抓狂的英语绕口令

1. Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?  你能够像罐头工人一样装罐头吗? 

2. I wish to 0  1. Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?

你能够像罐头工人一样装罐头吗?

2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish。

我希望梦想着你梦想中的梦想,但是如果你梦想着女巫的梦想,我就不想梦想着你梦想中的梦想。

3. I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice-cream!

我叫喊,你叫喊,我们都喊着要冰淇淋!

4. How many cookies could a good cook cook if a good cook could cook cookies?

A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies。

如果一个好的厨师能做小甜饼,那么他能做多少小甜饼呢?一个好的厨师能做出和其它好厨师一样多的小甜饼。

5. The driver was drunk and drove the doctor's car directly into the deep ditch. 这个司机喝醉了,他把医生的车开进了一个大深沟里。

6. Whether the weather be fine or whether the weather be not。

Whether the weather be cold or whether the weather be hot。

We'll weather the weather whether we like it or not。

无论是晴天或是阴天。  无论是冷或是暖,

不管喜欢与否,我们都要经受风霜雨露。

7. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers。

A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked。

If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,

Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

彼德派柏捏起一撮泡菜。 彼德派柏捏起的是一撮泡菜。

那么彼德派捏起的泡菜在哪儿?

8. I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought。

If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much。

我有一种想法,但是我的这种想法不是我曾经想到的那种想法。如果这种想法是我曾经想到的想法,我就不会想那么多了。

9. Amid the mists and coldest frosts,   With barest wrists and stoutest boasts,

He thrusts his fists against the posts,  And still insists he sees the ghosts。

雾蒙蒙,冰霜冻,

手腕儿空空,话儿涌,  只见他猛所拳头往柱子上砸,   直说自己把鬼碰。

10. Badmin was able to beat Bill at billiards, but Bill always beat Badmin badly at badminton。

巴德明在台球上能够打败比尔,但是打羽毛球比尔常常大败巴德明。

11. Betty beat a bit of butter to make a better batter。

贝蒂敲打一小块黄油要做一块更好的奶油面。

12. Rita repeated what Reardon recited when Reardon read the remarks。

当里尔登读评论时,丽塔重复里尔登背诵的东西。

13. Few free fruit flies fly from flames。没有几只果蝇从火焰中飞过去。

14. Fifty-five flags freely flutter from the floating frigate。

五十五面旗子在轻轻漂浮的战舰上自由的飘扬。

15. There is no need to light a night light on a light night like tonight。

for a bright night light is just like a slight light。

像今夜这样明亮的夜晚,就不需要点一盏夜灯,因为明亮的夜灯也会变得微弱。

17. A pleasant peasant keeps a pleasant pheasant and both the peasant and the pheasant are having a pleasant time together。

一位和气的农民养了一只伶俐的野鸡,而且这位和气的农民和这只伶俐的野鸡在一起度过了一段很美好的时光。

18. How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?

如果裁纸机能裁纸的话,一个裁纸机能裁多少张纸呢?

19. Mr. See owned a saw and Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See。

西先生有一个锯,萨先生有一个秋千。现在在萨先生看见西先生之前,西先生的锯锯断了萨先生的秋千。

20. If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts, buy a cunning stunning stunt kite。

如果你非常相要好的风筝和精彩的表演,就去买一只漂亮的,灵巧的风筝吧。

21. Ted sent Fred ten hens yesterday so Fred's fresh bread is ready already。

特德昨天给弗莱德送去了十只母鸡,所以弗莱德的新鲜面包已经准备好了。

22. A Finnish fisher named Fisher failed to fish any fish one Friday afternoon and finally he found out a big fissure in his fishing net。

一个名叫费希尔的芬兰渔民在一个星期五的下午未能捕捉到任何鱼,结果他民现他的渔网上有一个大裂口23. Franc's father is frying French fries for his five fire-fighter friends after they finished a fire-fighting in a factory。

在结束对一家工厂的灭火战斗以后,弗兰克的父亲在为他的五个消防队员朋友炸制法式土豆(炸薯条)

 

 

这是美国的网友晒到网上的,一户人家过年贴的对联,够有才。可能有很多人不认识“gelivable”一词,这 0这是美国的网友晒到网上的,一户人家过年贴的对联,够有才。可能有很多人不认识“gelivable”一词,这是咱聪明智慧的同胞对于“给力”一词的英语翻译,新造的词,“不给力”就是“ungelivable”。

这副春联上下联各有9个英文单词、4个词组,按中国春联的格式竖排。门右侧的上联是“Eat Well Sleep Well Have Fun Day by Day”(意思是“吃得不错、睡得不错、天天都开心”),门左侧的下联是“Study Hard Work Hard Make Money More and More”(意思是“努力学习、努力工作、钱越挣越多”)。门上方的横批则是去年由中国网民创造的新英文单词“Gelivable”(意思是“给力”)。门中间还贴着一张菱形的大红纸,上面印着金色大字“LUCK”(意思是“好运”)。

网友纷纷称赞这副“中为洋用”的洋春联有创意。也有网友认为门中间的“LUCK”不该正着贴,而该像贴“福”字一样倒着贴,表示“好运到(倒)”。

 

 

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance   聪明男人 + 聪明女人 = 浪漫爱情

Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy  聪明男人 + 愚蠢女人 = 婚外情

Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair    愚蠢男人 + 聪明女人 = 离婚

Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage    愚蠢男人 + 笨女人 = 结婚

Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit 聪明老板 + 聪明员工 = 效益

Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production  聪明老板 + 愚蠢员工 = 剩余价值

Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion 愚蠢老板 + 聪明员工 = 加薪

Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime  愚蠢老板 + 愚蠢员工 = 存货

 

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